Space Alien Nation – Issue #8; February 2009
Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
FUNKY NORPSE CHICKEN AND ZUZZ BANNED BY THE MUMULO HABJABOR!
Exalted Leader Demands As Tribute – Portion Of Koko Dozo’s Music Sales On Planet Earth. Violent Protests Break Out Throughout the Velfin Spoidioyz.
Our exalted blessed leader, THE MUMULO HABJABOR has ordered that dancing the funky norpse chicken is to be banned throughout the Velfin Spoidioyz. In his wisdom, he gave no reason for the ban which has led some in the extreme radical press to wonder if the timing of the ban — coinciding with the announcement of a royal share in Koko Dozo’s revenues — suggests an element of envy in the royal court of the intergalactic popularity of our esteemed noizmakers whose discovery of Earth last year has captivated our galaxy. Naturally, we at Space Alien Nation in no way agree with those nuttering naboobs of negativism who were rightfully arrested last night and remain encased in oozing sacs of their own bulf.
As for our immaculately infallible leader, The Exalted Blessed Mumulo Habjabor’s reasonable claim on a trifling portion of Koko Dozo’s noiz revenue — surely a mere 86% of Earth sales (95% of sales outside Earth’s atmosphere) — is beyond question. And naturally, the Royal Dulumthay should own the master recordings and half of the publishing rights, not to mention reimbursement from Koko Dozo for all manufacturing costs and promotional copies of noiz distributed. The celestial agonies endured by our gentle heroic leader, The Mumulo Habjabor, on behalf of the citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz have earned the All-Knowing One that small tribute by those who are permitted to breath the gases of fame. We say “Goolyoops!” six or seven times in tribute to The Exalted One. Our feelings about the banning of the funky norpse chicken are highly complex and difficult to express at this time. But we certainly frown upon the violent and disrespectful way many of the citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz have reacted to our Blessed Leader’s decree. Law and order must prevail. We all know that we have a legitimate avenue to express disfavor with a royal decree — we only need deliver a written statement that includes one’s name, place of residence and official ID number.
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Fear Grips Populace That Violent Protest Demonstrations Against The Exalted Blessed Mumulo Habjabor’s Latest Decree Might Draw Entire Velfin Spoidioyz Into Chaos
Total anarchy in Oodioon threatens to create a war zone unless order is maintained. Unruly mob (Left) has created a situation where citizens leave their homes at their own peril. Radicals have been disguising themselves as earthforms. The Mumulo Habjabor blames the popularity of Zuzz and the funky norpse chicken for “the rejection of traditional Velfin values.”
Reknowned Hero Arrested. Charges Have Not Been Officially Announced
Moomuns Wobjimmie has been arrested on the orders of The Exalted Blessed Mumulo Habjabor. Though charges have not been made public, the beloved hero is thought to have recently harbored hopes and dreams of a personal nature. That such a highly respected personage would place the entire Velfin Spoidioyz in mortal danger is likely to result in continued unrest.
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A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM OUR EXALTED BLESSED LEADER — THE MUMULO HABJABOR
I feel that it is my sacred duty to take the time to address all citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz. As it is I’ve had no sleep in ages; such is the degree to which I toil for you. Toxic thubulous noxons threaten the health of the inhabitants of Oobrose Kulk? Volcanic eruptions on Looliuhf? An outbreak of gagulous mulm? Don’t worry. The Mumulo Habjabor will fix it. And for what? I ask you. I break my nemp to serve you.
Do I deserve to powder my beak a little with the riches I’ve allowed those two Koko Dozo snots to make? No. That would be a disgrace.
A number of citizens have protested my recent decision to ban the funky norpse chicken. Sacred artifacts have been destroyed and members of our brave security forces have been injured. So this is how you choose to behave? Fine. Go right ahead. Suit yourself. Are you satisfied now? A fine thing. I hope it has made you happy. Real smart. You think this is funny? It’s no laughing matter. My loyal spouse — Queen Zemmn Chubshuckis is upstairs at this very moment crying her eyes out. Do you care? Oh — no big deal. Why should you care? Just fine. Just fine and dandy. It’s more important that you get glurffed on Zuzz and dance the funky norpse chicken. Well go glurf yourselves to till you puke. Then you’ll pray for The Mumulo Habjabor to make you feel better. You’ll see. Now I have to go upstairs and tend to Queen Zemmn Chubshuckis who’s poor heart is heaving with sadness over your selfish nargling.
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Koko Dozo has officially responded, through their public relations spokesman to the recent rulings of our Exalted Blessed Leader – The Mumulo Habjabor.
Greetings from Koko Dozo. We regret that we can not be present in our beloved homeland at this moment of crisis. Alas, we are serving our Exalted Blessed Leader — The Mumulo Habjabor on this tiresome errgergle called Earth. It is a hellish place, indeed and our labors fearsome and draining. But with great humility we serve a higher cause — the honor of our beloved Velfin Spoidioyz.
We are in full agreement with the recent rulings of The Exalted Blessed Mumulo Habjabor. Who are we to imagine that we have greater wisdom? We gladly share our earnings and we are quite shocked that he requests such a small sum for himself.
We beg of you to please stop these distressing protests and bring peace and order to the entire Velfin Spoidioyz. To one and all Koko Dozo bid you all Shubba Gilgabilbo!
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THE WHOLE EARTH ZHUFMALOG:
This Wild And Wacky Omposm Called Earth
by Farfummf Watafazmoo
Greetings my beloved homzoi peepz and doggies.
I have become sadly aware of the strife back in Koko Dozo’s homeland, the Velfin Spoidioyz, in reaction to our Exalted Blessed Leader — The Mumulo Habjabor’s banning of the funky norpse chicken and claiming a reasonable surcharge on sales of Koko Dozo music. As a concerned citizen of the Velfin Spoidioyz, I feel compelled to offer my own humble comments on these troubling developments. So I am offering this column as a respectful open letter to our Exalted Blessed Leader — The Mumulo Habjabor.
May the watolomps on Habjabor’s ass burn like chibmidgie in a nucular summer home. We’re on Earth now, O Blessed Shubgozz. You fatuous thuldoidy. Bring it on glurf-bucket. You can shove the vig up your fulge-cavern. We’re the Nazz around here, pal. Koko Dozo will give you 86% of our next fuld dropping. . . oh wait . . . I feel one coming on right now! Uhg. Umm. Yeah. Good god. OK, Mumsucker, your check is in the mail. Such an exalted personage art thou — your royal fulge couldn’t get past the bouncer at Burger King on this planet. That’s right — The Mumulo Habjabor is large like Lehman Brothers on this joint called Earth.
As for the funky norpse chicken — that little square dance is so yesterday that even these earthform doinkwombies are doing it. By tomorrow the entire population of the Velfin Spoidioyz will fellatiopen the window and start dancing the gupjo luzmunteen. See if your Royal Flatulence can wrap his ugly thain around those moves.
Oh snap, Mumulumps — Koko Dozo is so beyond your orbit. We’re cranked on Zuzz fumes and Mars bars and we’re untouchable, Mummy. Come and get us. We have an earthform here who they call Sarah Palin. She’ll rip your norps to shreds with her bare miglibbies. Bring it on, chickenlips!
